I Feel So Sad For You…
Today I’m clearing off my DVR watching the Saturday Night Live episode with Neil Patrick Harris while I wander the series of tubes we call them internets (you see that, I mixed up two different memes that incorrectly define the web). So since I was not vigilant on commercial skipping I saw two of the saddest commercials which could only be aired at the time of night SNL does.
1. Anna’s Paintings. This one saddens me because it flaunts hand painted works, starting by saying that sofa wide artworks are $19, smaller as low as $7 and nothing over $57. Why does this sadden me, because as an artistically minded person, it kinda sounds like this perpetuates the starving artist and I just think of sweatshops of painters who may or may not have actual artistic talent (we wouldn’t know, we only know that they can paint artistically to suit this “Anna” person and her cheap ass customers, who I assume have just knock it out of the park bad taste. They’re bargain shopping for the artistic statements within their home). I understand that there are people who suck at art and as a failed musical artist, I realize that hey, if you can’t get there, sometimes you need to move the hell on. But also as a person who knows good artists who just don’t catch sometimes or haven’t caught yet, you do what you have to do to keep doing what you love, but I feel that painting these is waaaaaaaaay worse than playing at the shithole bar downtown at 1am on Wednesday, this is painting in your basement for this bitch Anna and her craptastic fans. I imagine some sort of American Idol competition where it’s only Anna playing Simon to the third power, voting on your painting, the painting which is an exact clone of the one she told you to paint 1200 times before, which are all fine, but every time she rates it with no real system just to fuck with you because she can. Damn you Anna…DAMN YOU!!!!!!
2. World of Wheels. This is not me shitting on classic car fans and shows, I understand that some of those cars are very nice and beautiful and people like to see them done well. This is me shitting on the people trying to sell the classic car show to classic car fans. This one killed me because it begins “You knew it was coming, but you didn’t know when.” That’s not how you sell a car show, that’s not how you think of a car show, that’s how you think of the ice cream man and I’m sure if you asked the ice cream man, he’d give you an approximate schedule just so you wouldn’t say to one of your friends “You know the ice cream man is coming, you just don’t know when.” Second is that they always have the “stars” who I guess have booths at the show and here’s the roster: Moises Aria from Hannah Montana, Wolf & Venom from American Gladiators and Kaycee Stroh from High School Musical fame. WTF? Who? If any one of those people walked up to me in regular street clothes and I recognized them on sight, I’d want you to hit me so hard that I’d shit myself instantly and go comatose for 3 years. Minimum. Here’s the problem, demographics, If you want to look at cars, those guests aren’t your demo, the “stars” attached to attract your kids aren’t the stars of their shows, thus not the people your kids really want to meet, the other two are two big ass muscles in costumes brighter than the shine on the cars (which takes away from THE CAR SHOW) and your wife just doesn’t want to be there anyway you dick. So to me, with this ad, they’ve just ruined the whole car show in 30 seconds. (worldofwheels.com, in case you wanna see the cars that’ll randomly show up in your town…one day). Welp, I just felt that those two ads in the same commercial break were “omar” noteworthy for being that damn bad. I’m gonna watch the last nine minutes of SNL now (which is pretty funny). Before it’s over maybe they’ll advertise the burning down of my front yard and stealing of our family dog, you know, to bring in the kids and I still have two more SNL episodes to watch after that, oh the anticipation.